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A friend of mine and I were talking about the horrible claims of abuse by our soldiers in the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Gitmo has been the source of many complaints over the way we have been treating those captured waging a war against the United States. And as my friend and I discussed the abuse of our guests we realized that we were only willing to support certain things in the name of preserving liberty.

We could ignore the complaints about the prisoners being required to stay in stress positions and the strain they may endure if they are not co-operative. We could forgive the horrific acts of forcing them to strip down to their birthday suits in the name of getting information. We didnt find anything wrong with puppet shows satirizing terrorists. We sloughed off complaints about desecration of the Koran especially when it came to light that more prisoners abused the so-called Holy Book than guards did. Heck and when the claim was of women guards invading the personal space of these terrorists we said nothing because I know people that would pay good money to have women invade their own personal space. And when it came to not letting these prisoners go to the bathroom until they talked and making them go tinkle in their shorts we said So what! But I personally came close to calling for it all to end when it was revealed that the guards, in an unmatched act of cruelty not seen since the Holocaust, exposed prisoners to the music of Christina Aguilera. Im sorry, but that is just plain cruel! But I did manage put my outrage aside and looked the other way because I knew there was a greater good being served.

But now I have come across new evidence of abuse that I can no longer overlook. And that is why today, I come before everyone to say that it is time to close Gitmo and try our men and women for war crimes. You ask what is it that has made me change my tune? What abuse could be so horrific?

The abuse I speak of is jetlag! Yes, you heard me correctly -- jetlag. We have taken these prisoners from across the globe and flown them hours and hours to a remote facility and screwed up their internal clocks! OH THE HUMANITY!

Now, I know some of you are thinking What? Come on! No, not even because of this punishment, cruel as it is, should I have changed my position on our treatment of those that are waging a war against America!

Please, I have given this matter a lot of thought. And no matter what you might believe, you must look into your soul and know that this abuse of prisoners has gone way too far. And as Senator Arlen Specter is convening hearings about whether or not to shut the prison down, I say WE MUST! We must in the name of all that is good and JUST!

How could we, as a civilized society, justify as correct the condemning of these prisoners to bloodshot and droopy eyes? How could we, as a country that prides ourselves on our compassion, condemn these poor souls to wander around in a stupor for days as they become acclimated to getting up 6, 7 or even 8 hours earlier than they are used to? How can we, as a good people, accept this most cruel and hideous method of torture that plagues business travelers on a daily basis and causes them to show up late for work as they struggle to feed their families after red-eyeing back to New York from Los Angeles?

The answer my friends is that we cannot. We cannot justify this behavior. It is time to close Gitmo and it is time for us to pay restitution to all the terrorists around the world, withdraw from Iraq and let tyranny return to that country. Whats more I think that it is time that we not only close Gitmo, but also close down the United States government that allowed these terrible things to happen. We should submit blindly to the International Criminal Court where all of our soldiers and even President George Bush himself can be found guilty of war crimes! And then we should allow the United Nations to come in and take over our obviously failed system and government that allowed this horror at Gitmo to be perpetrated. The UN can then allow rape rooms and torture chambers with acid baths to be opened and allow America to be lead by a form of government they think right and proper.

It was good run my friends and I am sorry to say that we have to give up the dream of America. But jetlag was the last straw. Whomever is the last to leave, please make sure to turn off the lights. Go on ..

Are the liberals gone yet? Shh shh hold on a second let me check

Ok I think they are gone now. Seriously though doesnt this whole Close down Gitmo bull crap just get on your last nerve? Especially when the best the left can do is drag up nothing more than events that aren't even nearly as bad as half of the fraternity pranks that get pulled on college campuses these days.